Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
