He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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