I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
