Already got asked if we're dating
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
