Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
