No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
