I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
