check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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