Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
