please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't shave. On purpose
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
