i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They have beer where we have blood.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
