mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
