Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
