found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
