I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
