I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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