Kiss
Puke
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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