its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize