I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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