Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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