I cannot find my penis.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
