if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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