i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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