is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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