Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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