Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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