The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
