I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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