i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
