Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
