do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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