I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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