What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
