He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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