Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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