She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
