Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
