i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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