dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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