She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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