I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
