the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
