we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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