Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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