she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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