I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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