i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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