oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
