even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
