Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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