chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
