Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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