Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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