I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
