a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize