So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
