so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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