I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
