The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
