if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
