ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
