I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
