i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
