she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
