no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
