You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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