Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
