I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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