Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
