At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
